kyoya's suicide
by tgoben94
Summary: it hurt more than he would ever let on. more than even his daughter even knew. he was a master of facades, of fake smiles, of emotionless expressions. but it was all becoming to much. and the memory of her, of his wife, of the love of his life haunted him, and had become an infection, playing with his mind, making him ill. sort of a sequel to Of Wisdom and Cunning, RNR, enjoy.


Kyoya's suicide

I reached for the bottle of fire whiskey Kyoko sent me last year. It tipped over empty... "Damn." The fire whiskey cost her a fortune. The burn numbed my mind for the night. I had already gone through 1 bottle of bourbon, half a bottle of whiskey, the wine and the margarita mix that my father had stashed away for "safe" keeping. My daughter is 1,000 miles away and my deceased wife is dust particles floating through the air. I stood up and realized I was covered in alcoholic beverages. Then I saw a mirror. "Hey what are you looking at! Not at me because according to my wife, and best friend. 20 years of marriage doesn't mean anything. Do you wanna sleep with my wife cause she doesn't want my dick obviusly." Then man stared back. "What do I do silent man?" No answer.

_**You've read the books, You've watched the shows, What's the best way no one knows, yeah, Meditate, get hypnotized. Anything to take from your mind. But it won't go. You're doing all these things out of desperation, Ohhh woah, You're going through six degrees of separation. **_

"You do realize it's a mirror."

She paced in front of me, I could feel her eyes boring into my skull as she paced, I could practically hear her sick, and twisted smirk, pain coursed through me at the thought of how comforting and loving that smirk used to be. "Stupid little boy, so lost and alone…no one loves you, not even me!" she let out a loud cackle, almost reminisque of that loud French girl. I sneered and attempted to look up at her, "No! Don't look at me you fool! Idiotic, stupid little man! You'll never amount to anything, this whole life? It's a lie Kyoya, you're locked in a little cell under this mansion away from your Nee-san, and your Momma crying like a baby, wah…wah…wah-"

"Stop." She held up a finger.

"Why? This isn't me…this-this is your mind, all up here. Dark…cold…soulless~….I'm a figment of that fantastic imagination of yours. The one that built the host club out of a whim from a stupid blonde boy…..the boy that took me away from you…."

_**You hit the drink, you take a toke. Watch the past go up in smoke. Fake a smile, yeah, lie and say that, I'm better now than ever, and your life's okay. Well it's not. No. You're doing all these things out of desperation, Ohhh woah, You're going through six degrees of separation. **_

I grabbed the bottle of bourbon and threw it at the raging demon. "Stop, PLEASE!" I growled, grabbing my hair, rocking forward into a tight ball on my bed. Her whispers and torments continued, as I tried to swat her ghost away. Something hit my hand and fell to the floor.

"Look at you….Drunk and angry….something you promised you'd never be….you liar, you pitiful excuse for a man, for a brother, for a son, and for a father…Kyoko…what would she say, would she have a chance? Before…you hit her?"

"I'd never…"

"Really? You looked like it when you saw me and Tamaki together…in this bed even…on that counter, my wedding ring tangling with his blonde hair, as he was on top of me, as our bodies fused together in a way yours never could….the anger…the feeling of disgrace….the feeling of heart…breaK…the feeling that you'd raise Kyoko all alone…poor… Kyoya…all alone heartbroken, despaired, feeling like the only person who could ever love left…and she did. No one can ever love you. You never let them. Honey, Mori, Kaoru, Hikaru, and even you own sister. She tried so hard to love you for who you…well…weren't or could never be. But she had faith in you…a faith you didn't deserve."

"STOOOOOP! PLEASE YOU'D NEVER UNDERSTAND!" I sat up from the ball I was in and punched the bedroom wall. "I miss you…so much, and I wish I never let you walk out that door with him around your waist…Haru…please remember… I was there…I watched you die…from a tumor I couldn't do anything about…a tumor that left me feeling helpless and out of control….I need YOU, I wish-I-I need you to see this….I still love you…I always will, always have…even in this form….you loved me, when no one else did….I wish my old Haruhi was here."

"Then die….and join her…end this…now."

Her body disseppear and like in Alice in Wonderland a pill bottle of Acetaminophen more commonly known as the suicide drug Vicodin was left behind. I picked up the small bottle. "One can't hurt." I opened the pill bottle and dumped about 20 into my shaking hand. I knew what this could do. I said my dues to the Kami and lived my life.

_**First you think the worst is a broken heart.**_

I reached for the vodka and the secret Jack Daniels under my bed. My hand shook with fear of my life ending. A memory flashed before me.

_A sweet woman cooed above me. Her face was delicate and soft. Whenever I saw it no matter what happened she could calm me down. Her lips moved and formed words I could not comprehend. A mobile turned around me as she sang. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. You never know dear how much I love you." The last part trailed off._

A tear rolled down my numb cheek. Fuyumi always told me that she never sang the last part cause it was to depressing. I took a swig of Daniel to wash down the pill. She'd be so disappionted in me now. I could imagine her look, not angry, not even in the slightest. She'd look at me with eyes that screamed pain. Eyes that screamed loss and defeat. I threw the bottle of pills down. The room slowly began to vibrate the mixture was taking affect. What felt like a few short seconds was a total of 10 minutes. I had sat there thinking and dreaming of my mother. Another memory.

_**What's going to kill you is the second part.**_

_ Fuyumi was crumpled on the floor sobbing. My father above her, arm raised. He had hit her, and hard. She held her reddening face in her hands. My father just caught her with a boy. He sent the security guards after him. I couldn't understand why she never defended herself. I tried to yell out but a hand covered my mouth, Akito. "It's no use. She'd feel worse if he went after you." I looked up at my brother eyes begging why. "Daddy's just in a bad mood and tired." Akito picked me up and carried me to his room where I'd spend the night with him. I watched my father yelled at my sister. Incapable of doing anything. _

I again lifted the pill to my lips and put it in my mouth. To wash it down I used the vodka. I again thought of Fuyumi and how she'd try to stop me. She'd grab my shoulders and shake me till I came to my senses. Her eyes would scream hope that once again she could save her brother. But they would gleam with a brief fire after realizing it was to late. I lifted my tired face, "I'M SO SORRY!" Another 10 minutes had passed unknown to my alternate state of mind. I closed my eyes, another memory came to mind.

_**And the third, is when your world your world splits down the middle. **_

_ Fuyumi was slurring curse words as she stumbles through door. Her face battered and bloody. I knew what happened. My father sent her to seduce a man into giving us the business. Her red corset was still on her but hung loosely. "Kooooya you showld go toooo shleeeepeeee byyyya. It'sss oast your nappppa time." My thirteen year old body ran to catch her. _

_ "Yuuichi!" _

_ A tall slender man appeared in the door way. "Holy Shit!" _

_ "A little help." _

_ Yuu ran to my aid to lift her. He put his arm under her leg and carried into the third room on the left "Go get the first aide from the kitchen. Don't let anyone see you, especially the maids." I nodded at him and left the room. Realizing my shirt had traces of blood on it I took it off and hid in a chest drawer. I hate my father for ripping my life apart like this. _

The room looked like wave of my life rolling away. First my mother, then my humanity, then my trust. I couldn't bear this pain I popped another a pill and took three gulps of whiskey. I yelled out in aspiration as another memory clouded my scream. Haru.

_**And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself. **_

_ A girl, a simple girl stumbled into the third music room. Haruhi Fujioka, the scholarship student that was invisible to rest of the world except me. Her attempt to hide was to no avail to an Ootori. We were trained to spot the invisible and ignore the outlandish. The crazy thing was my best friend in the world was the most outlandish, gaudy, egotistic person. Tamaki Suoh, spazzed at the site of another boy! "Welcome." I smirk the groups obliviousness to the girl dressed as a boy. i guess I could see it as well. Short, spunky, unstyled, commoner brown hair. I didn't pay any specail attention to her until she broke a 100 yen vase. Her eyes shot up to me and began to tear up and looked panic. They were beautiful, her eyes, even in pain they sparkled. I wanted to keep her in the group. _

_ "What did it cost?" Her vioce rang through the air. I was about to speak when the twins did. _

_ "8 billion yen. We were going to sell in an auction!" _

_ I had never been more happy with those identical buffoons. _

_ "What do we do?" I looked at Tamaki. _

_ "When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Since you can't pay us in money you will pay us with your body." _

_ Perfect. _

Pill number five.

_**Fifth, you see them out with someone. **_

_ My glasses landed in the tan salt and rock sediment. I was running towards the glassy water, I could hear the three boys taunting her, I knew Tamaki was nearing the cliff but wouldn't make in time. I stopped to see where the likely place she'd land would be. Then I saw it. Her body flying through the air, her arms grasping it thinking she could stop the fall. She let out a girl like scream before she hit the water. I ran through the ocean but it felt like I was running through gelatin. I couldn't get to her. All I could imagine was her frail little body sinking fast into the depth of the Pacific ocean. The darkness claiming her as it's own. Then I saw another body fly through the air in a beautifully silouetted boy splashing into the water landing a few inches from the beautiful girl. I held my breath, I couldn't lose my best friend and love in one day. I held it until I saw two streaks of red hair zoom past me "Shit." The twins were running toward the cliff where the three boys were at picking off the sea urchins the Haru flung at them. I had to stop them from doing-maybe just oversee them, in order to prevent a murder. "Mori! Watch for them." I hadn't realized that the gaint boy was next to me. On the same mission to save the same girl. _

_ "Yes, sir." _

_ Just then Tamaki's blonde hair emerged. I ran toward them in order to help him drag in Haru's lifeless body. He had her in his arms as I got closer. I realized then I was not the only one who had emotions for this pale girl. _

_**And the sixth, is when you admit you may have messed up a little. **_

_ The cell phone clicked closed as i watched the red convertable drive off with my idiot inside, with a girl that didn't deserve him. My heart clenched as I realized I couldn't let him go. The hosts looked at me, a range of different expressions filled their faces, although, Haruhi's cut me to the core. She loved him, and i had messed up by thinking i could keep her to myself. "Let's Go." I ordered, the boys moved towards the door but Haruhi stayed still. "Haruhi, come on!" I said a little more gruffly, the girl's attention snapped up to mine, i grabbed her hand and dragged her behind me as i sprinted to the school's garage, i saw my family limo, i ran to the driver._

_ "I'm sorry, sir, I'm not permitted to leave." he said as he rolled down the window. _

_ "You were ordered to keep us out of it?" my tone clipped, he nodded, fear coursing through him visibly. "DAMN IT!" i bellowed punching a dent in the hood of the limo. Haruhi flinched next to me. Kaoru grabbed her hand, comfortingly, Hikaru suddenly stiffened, stepping front of Haruhi and his brother, I looked up and saw my family's police force. "What are you're orders?" i growled, the captain stepped forward. _

_ "To keep you and the other members under lock down until further notice." i snarled at him, he cowed immediately. A sound of stampeding hooves filled the garage. i looked up to Mori driving the antique carriage. Honey leaped out of the carriage in front of our small group. _

_ "Hikaru, take the back roads to the over pass, you should be able to head him off that way." the tall senior ordered, Hikaru nodded leaping up to the steering portion of the antique device, Kaoru climbed into the passenger portion holding a hand out to Haruhi, who didn't move. _

_ "Takashi, don't hold back." Honey growled darkly leaping on a few guards, Mori nodded and leaped into action as well, I huffed in anger and latched on to Haruhi's shoulder's pulling her back slightly to gain momentum. _

_ "Go get that idiot." i hissed pushing her into Kaoru's awaiting arms. _

How could I have done that to her. Made her chose like that. I remember seeing a psychic with Tamaki before my wedding, only cause he begged, to see if my marriage would be strong and steady or fall apart. I have no faith in them. They told me it last, that nothing could happen. I chose her above my life. I almost killed her that day so long ago. Telling to go get him was the wrong thing to do, that bastard. If he left for France he wouldn't have stole her from me. He wouldn't have seduced her. None of this would have happened, I wouldn't be trying to end my life.

_**You tell your friends, yeah, strangers too, Anyone'll throw an arm around you, yeah Tarot cards, Gems and stones, Believing all that shit is gonna heal your soul. We'll it's not, no You're only doing things out of desperation, Ohhh woah, You're goin' through six degrees of separation**__**. **_

_ To my loved ones, Haru, Kyoko, Tamaki, twins, Honey-Sempai, and Mori-Sempai. There's no point in wearing this façade any longer. I'm clearly nothing more than a disappointment to you all. __**First, you think the worst is a broken heart**__**.**__ To Tamaki, I'm sorry for not being a better friend, and not being there when you needed me the most. I'm sorry for talking her from you, when she clearly deserved you more. I'm sorry for the conversation we had in the hospital the day she died. __**What's going to kill you is the second part. **__To Haru, my dear, I'm sorry for simply not existing enough for you to be happy, I'm sorry I was so cold and indifferent towards you when we first met and I'm sorry I couldn't stop…it….I would of at least tired harder had I known much sooner. __**And The third, is when your world splits down the middle. **__To Kyoko, darling, do not resent yourself, and please not me. I know you are much happier over seas than you ever were in Japan. Let no one stop you from doing you what you love and always do your absolute best at it. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better father to you, I know that Albus will take better care of you than I ever did. Please make me proud, please, I know every day you do anything in your power to make both your mother and I proud and I'm so happy you got the opportunity to go to such an elite school, even if it is far away. I love you so much and see great things happening to you in the near future. __**And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself. **__Hikaru and Kaoru, I'm sorry to have been so distant with you two, even after high school and the wedding and everything. Watch over Kyoko for me, she'll need parental figures in her life. You two were always good at watching over her when Haruhi or I couldn't. I'm sorry to have never gotten to know you two better. To Honey-sempai, you need to slow down on the cake, it might kill you. To Mori-sempai, "Son" I'm entrusting you with the lives of the host club, protect them and guide them for me. __**Fifth, you see them out with someone else. **__ To Fuyumi, I'm sorry I was such a jerk of brother to you, I hope you can forgive me someday, To my brothers…heh, I got nothing, I was nothing but polite to you….To Father, I'm sorry I couldn't have been a better son. I love you all, and I'm sorry to have been a burden, I hope you all live long happy lives, and if anyone were to find this, I'm sorry this letter has be fallen on you to deliver. The Company will be falling on the shoulders of my daughter Kyoko, seeing as she is only seventeen years of age, the company will be watched my trusted advisor Tachibana, until such time that she is ready to take over, guard it with your life, Sir. In the end I suppose life was an interesting notion in it's own way…. __**And the sixth, is when you admit you may have messed up a little. **_

_CEO of Ootori Group, Third Son of the Ootori Family, _

_Ootori Kyoya_

I put the pen down and sobbed. I just a wrote a suicide note I couldn't believe that this was it. I had lived my whole life, a CEO, a friend, a husband, a father, a business man, a lover, a brother, uncle, a father...a father. But I was never her mother. Anger began to pulse through me. I went to the desk drawer where I kept the wedding pictures. There on the top dusty and old Haruhi in her white wedding dress.

_**No there's no starting over, Without finding closure, You'd take them back, No hesitation, That's when you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation.**_

__I took the picture out of it frame or tried. Finally, I just punch the glass. I was so wasted I couldn't feel the shards of glass slice into my fingers. I yanked out the image and tore it into tiny pieces. I grabbed the next one and through the frame to the ground. I did this to every picture and poured vodka on them. I thought about lighting them but I couldn't work the matches. My head felt like 2 tons while my body floated in the air. I didn't know why it was taking so long to die. This was suppose to be quick and easy.

_**No there's no starting over, Without finding closure, You'd take them back, No hesitation, That's when you know you've reached the sixth degree of separation.**_

I knew there were more pictures hidden in my den. Some in the desk, some the wall, some even the ceiling. She was everywhere. I let out a scream. Her face dance in my mind. Laughing at me, gauking me. I took the bottle of pills in my hand again and dumped them. More memories except some distorted

_**First, you think the worst is a broken heart. **_

___Haruhi woke up next to me, after a tutorial on sex. Except one problem we weren't alone. Tamaki's blonde hair emerged from the sheets. "Haruhi you were amazing last night." I tried to scream out but she couldn't hear me. Her lips locking with his. Finally she turned to me. _

_ "You were great last night Tamaki."_

_ "Honey, I 'm not Tamaki!" _

_ "Yes you are." _

_ I got up and ran to the mirror sure enough, I was Tamaki. She was cheating on Tamaki with me. _

_**What's going to kill you is the second part. **_

___"GOD WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND KYOYA!" _

_ "BECAUSE I SAW YOU TWO TOGETHER!" _

_ "YOU SURE! BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE YOUR LEVEL OF FUCKING TRUST IS NEAR EXTINCT!" _

_ "THEN SHOW ME I'M FUCKING WRONG!" My hand raised. _

_ "If you slap me you will be no better then your father." _

_ "DON'T YOU DARE COMPARE ME TO MY FATHER!" _

_ "TELL ME HOW YOU'RE NOT YOUR FATHER, OOTORI." _

_ "I AM KIND, CARING, LOVING. NOT THE COLD HEARTED BASTARD HE IS!" _

_ "THEN WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT YOUR WIFE!" _

_ "CAUSE YOU'RE A LYING, CHEATING, BITCH." _

_ slap. _

_ Haru's hand combined with the flesh on my cheek. "Don't you dare." _

_ "Haru. I didn't mean it." _

_ "You don't mean a lot of things. I'm beginning to think you don't even mean that you love me." _

_ "Don't...don't say...don't say that please. Haru-" _

_ "Don't call me that. I'm going to Tamaki's...with Kyoko. Not to take her away...it's so you don't hurt her." She began to walk away. "I do know you love her." _

_**And the third, is when your world splits down the middle. **_

_** "**__HARUHI!" I chased her into our bedroom, "You can't leave, you can't." She was throwing clothes into her bag. She was fighting back sobs, burning sobs. I grabbed her wrist and flung her into me and held her tight. She fought against me but I was stronger. I kissed her scalp, forehead, face. "Please, please stay." I got on my knees begging her to stay. She still fought against my grip around her wrist. HEr head was facing the left avioding eye contact with me. I kissed hands, arms, neck, jaw, and lips. I nozzled my nose against her cheek. I began to openly weep. "I love you, please stay." She finally looked at me. _

_ "I don't love you." _

_**And fourth, you're gonna think that you have fixed yourself. **_

___Drinking so much drinking, so much death. Kyoya was already dead. Lying on a bed his daughter weeping over him. I was dead. _

_**Fifth, you see them out with someone else. **_

_** "**__Where's mother going." My 15 year old daughter stood in her pajama's at the top of the stairs. I couldn't look at her without weeping. "Daddy... where is mom going?" She came down the stairs and ran the door. "MOOOOTHER!" She ran down the drive as fast her legs could before she fell. "MOOOOOOM!" I went outside and picked up my daughter. I set her on her feet. _

_ "Don't you worry I'm going to get her. I'll bring her back." She grabbed my neck and held on._

_ "What if she doesn't?" _

_ "She will." _

_ "I heard you to fighting, you called her a cheating, lying bitch." _

_ The words stung, "I know I did and that was the biggest mistake of my life, go to bed, she'll be back in the morning." She let go of my neck. I looked into her eyes and saw fear, disgraced, betrayal, and above all despair. I ran to the car and got in it started it and wheeled out of there towards Souh home. If I saw him, I'd punch him. When I got there I left the car running and flung open the giant oak door. I pushed my way past the butler and up the stairs. I knew which room was his. Blue door third one to the right. I could hear my wife in there along with him. I open the door to my worst nightmare. _

Anger filled my with every step I took towards the stairs. My head, the room, everything was spinning. I had to get to the pictures down in den. I began to feel cold and somewhat elated. I could fly. So I jumped.

_**And the sixth is when you admit you may have messed up a little. **_


End file.
